THE STEPFORD VIBES

A Smile, a Crucifix, and Total Obedience—What More Could Daddy Want?

There’s something deeply uncanny about the women Trump surrounds himself with in his senior leadership circle—an eerie sameness that feels less like coincidence and more like Central Casting. Pam Bondi, Tulsi Gabbard, Kristi Noem, Karoline Leavitt, Alina Habba—each with the same semi-glossy sheen, long camera-ready hair, telegenic composure, prominent crucifix, and an eerie smoothness that suggests they were less hired for judgment and more for optics. Just like Trump’s wives, come to think of it.

These women have one central feature: complete, devotional loyalty to “Daddy”

Each speaks with the same affect: robotically calm, polished, vaguely seductive as in a Stepford Wives kind of way. Their words may vary, but the melody never does: Trump is right, the left is evil, the media lies, the indictments are fake, Epstein files don’t exist, and the truth is whatever the fuck Donald says it is. There’s no internal friction, no dissent, no moment of hesitation. It’s systemic choreography delivered to an audience of one. And Trump’s all like: “your name goes here” is doing a fantastic job”

Honestly, he just wants props who look good, follow orders, and stay on script.

And Mike Johnson? He’s just one of the girls…